How do you do it

How do you do it???

“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks”

Proverbs 31:17

Being a mom is no easy task.  We are nonstop, 24/7, 365 days a year.  Then there is that extra day they throw at us once every four years.   We have no health benefits or support from the government.  We have no paid vacations and actually no “vacations” at all when you factor in all of the work it takes to plan a vacation with kids.  Even Mother’s Day is a lot of work.  If they truly wanted mothers to have a day all to themselves they would not celebrate it on Sundays!!

I have four children under nine. The past nine years of my life I have spent being pregnant or nursing or potty training or at times, all three.  I homeschool three out of four children and    Three out of four children all involved in sports at the local park district.  My husband works many hours a day at the family business.  So he depends on me to do most of this on my own.  In the spring I plow and plant the garden and mow and trim the yard.  When the belt breaks on the mower I fix it.  When the oil needs changed in the car I change it.  I have tools and I know how to use them.  But when you become a mother you are handed a different set of tools and you depend on someone else to show you how to use them.  God gives me the strength and wisdom to complete these simple tasks around the house however there is a much bigger task than the day to day house chores that my arms need to be strong for.

My four children have a “genetic medical issue”.  This all started nine years ago when my first born began to become very sick and weak.  I could not get anyone to listen to me due to the fact that I had just become a mommy.  So therefore my knowledge about my own baby was not accepted.  Visit after visit to the doctor I was told that it was more than likely just a virus and to go home and keep plenty of fluids in her.  She would later begin to have these “viruses” close to 3 times a month and each time was getting worse.  Her eyes were sunk in.  She had no energy and complained about her arms and legs hurting all of the time.   Shortly after we began to add to the family we noticed each child was developing much of the same symptoms.

After tons of testing and biopsies we found a deficiency that showed up in the blood work.  This deficiency affected their muscles and energy level and it was fixed with a medication that they take twice a day.  Now in order to do this blood work to find the deficiency, we had to get them to the hospital while they were in the middle of one of these episodes, to get the blood drawn.    The most dangerous part of these spells is the rapid drop in blood sugar and the constant vomiting.  I could not help them out of the “episode” like I had been so use to doing, because their doctors needed to know what was going on during the spells.  Now one thing that you must understand about me is, 1)   I don’t’ have a fighting bone in my body and B) I live in small town Kentucky where no one is in a hurry.  Everyone knows everyone and they are always asking questions like,” how is your second cousin twice removed doing with his new job as the Walmart greeter?”   When this happens, you just have to wait in line.  

Now, I've had to do these blood draw test three times, one for each child that was tested.  The first two times were a nightmare. By the time that the third time rolled around I was going to make sure this went as smoothly as possible.  So I took the test orders into the hospital and had them check and make sure they had all of the right colored tubes. I then asked that they place them in a bag with our name on them.  I told them that soon, I would be bringing in this little girl, (pointing to Ava) and she would need help right away.  I would not be able to wait for them to figure out the test order or look in a book to find what color tubes to use or even to wait in line. 

The day came.  My Ava woke up with blood sugar at 50.  She began to vomit.  Everyone got into the car and we were off.   When we got to the hospital I blew past the woman who was trying to direct me in the right direction and I rang the dumb bell at the lab.  When no one answered I knocked on the door.  That same woman that I had talked to just two weeks earlier opened the door and said, “have a seat please and wait in line” and then shut the door right in my face.  You all, something came over me. I did not turn into the “Hulk”.  I turned into The Hulks Mother!!   What came out of my mouth next shocked even me.   I knocked on that door again and that same woman opened it again and before she could get out one word I said, “I will NOT wait in line, I told you I cannot wait! Now you get someone who knows how to draw blood and you hand them the bag of colored tubes with my name on it and you send them out here to help her…STAT!!”  She closed the door.  I looked down at the lifeless little girl in my arms and I became even angrier.  The next woman who came out of that door said,   “You seem upset.  Are you upset?  Why are you so nervous?” I said, “I don’t really have time to explain this mess.  You have to get her blood drawn fast so that I can help her. Please!”    As she lead us to a bed in the ER to lay Ava in she pulled me in the hall, away from my child and asked if she needed to call security to calm me down.  I clinched my teeth together I looked her dead in the eye and said, “She doesn't have time for your little games.  And I don’t have time to explain any of this to you.  Now get your little kit and get her blood drawn so that I can help her!!!”  She turned and slowly walked away.  She came back with her kit.  Now because my daughter was dehydrated it was hard for them to get blood. After several failed attempts she told me they would only try one more time and that was it.  Now, God had given me the fight to get us that far and now I had to give the fight to God.  I got on my knees next to my baby and I cried with her.  I began to pray, “Father guide their hands.  Please, you know how bad we need these tests.   Let them find a vein.”  I looked up with tear feel eyes to see blood flowing.  They took seven tubes of blood from her and when they were done I began to give her juice and whatever I had to help bring her blood sugar back up.  When they took the blood back to the lab they tested her glucose.  It was 32.  The women of the lab came back to apologize.  She said, “I am so sorry.  I didn't know.”  I said, “I’m her momma…..I did.”  I forgave her and now that I had time I tried to explain the “short version” of our journey thus far. 

That is how this all began with doors slamming in my face and people putting a label on me that read, “She’s that mom”.    The hardest part of this was that most of those labels were put on by those who were supposed to be closest to me.  Backs were turned toward me by some friends and even family.  It has been a lonely journey full of bumps and dead ends.  I have waited looking at all the doors that had been closed praying for God to please open just one.

When I look back to when it all started nine years ago I see nothing but the strength of God pulling us through. When we needed it most, He put us right in the middle of some good people who said the most heartfelt prayers on our behalf.   When others turned their backs He turned my focus to the ones with their hands held open ready to help in any way they could.  I saw doors opened and doors closed.  I saw fight that I never had.  I saw strength that didn’t come from me.  I saw hands wrapped around me when I just needed to cry.  I saw God waiting for me with open arms at all hours of the night.   Whenever I began to listen to the lies around me my God reminded me to keep fighting for the children He had entrusted to us. If someone told me nine years ago that I would still be dealing with all of this nine years later and it would be part of my mommy journey and it would be something that all four of my kids would have,  then I would probably been like Moses.  I would be trying to come up with every excuse in the book for God to find someone else.

When I talk about this to people the first thing they say is, “how do you do it??”  We have been told so many things we didn't want to hear along our journey.  Such as, “any virus that causes them to lose their appetite has the potential to be fatal”.   No mother ever wants to hear that.  But here is what I tell them.  I have HOPE.  Hope that the God who created them and holds all the answers and knows the number of hairs on their heads who stood at their beginning and who stands at their end will soon reveal to us an answer. (Psalm 139:13-17)  Hope that if the answer is not in His plan for us that He will continue to give us the fight and wisdom we need to protect His children. (Proverbs 3: 5-8) Hope that He will lead us through the right doors to the right tests to figure this out, (Matthew 7:7).  Hope that He will make their bodies strong enough to endure the road ahead of them, (Philippians 4:13). Hope that he chose me and my husband to be their parents so He is going to guide us through this every step of the way ( Psalm 46:1, Philippians 1:6).   I have hope that God did not bring us this far in our journey and burden my heart to keep fighting to never reach the top of our mountain. “For nothing is impossible with God” I have HOPE.

God did not call you to motherhood so that He could hand you something very difficult and watch you struggle.  He chose you, because you were perfect for what He was going to call you to do.  He never promised it would be easy so first you must understand that you need to lay it back at His feet.  I am living proof that He does give you more than you can handle.  That is why you need Him!  He is your strength.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12: 8-10

Mary, you're the best mom ever.......

    Last year at this time I had a one month old baby.  As I sat in church listening to the Christmas story looking at my baby boy, I couldn't help but to think about Mary.  Mary, the mother of Jesus himself........

     Now the rest of us moms have our new babies and look at them,  and then for a small moment we panic a little with the thought of, "for the next 18 years I had better get this right!"  Just think of how Mary must have felt.  She was holding God's Son for crying out loud.  She not only had to get this right, she had to get this perfect!!  No pressure Mary, but from this day forward, you will not raise your voice to Jesus.  You will not belittle him in any way, shape, or form.  You will not be talking to your neighbor while "shushing" Jesus.  You will not say to him, "you better listen to me when I am talking to you!!"  When Jesus talks, YOU listen!  When you go to town on your camel, you will not wave your hand violently behind you in hopes to at least hit his foot so that Jesus will stop distracting you from rush hour traffic. And whatever you do Mary, you will not put Jesus in timeout.....well...because nobody puts Jesus in a corner!

    You and I get a private room to have our babies in.  We have the television in the rooms to keep our husbands occupied for the "boring part" of labor.  If your husband was like mine then he slept while the nurses took excellent care of you.  Not Mary though, she is in a barn surrounded by animals and her husband, who if there was a biblical "Maury"  back then would be declared, "not the father!" But he would still be the one chosen to be by her side to help bring this amazing baby into the world.  Every husbands worst nightmare right??  I don't know about you but the first thing my husband said was, "I just hope that I don't have to deliver this baby on the side of the road!!  Just CROSS YOUR LEGS OKAY!!"

 Remember that moment when your baby was born and you realized that God chose you.  You were perfect for them and they were perfect for you.  Then the first thing you did was take a family "selfie" and put it on Facebook to let everyone know that your baby had finally come!   You wanted the world to see just how perfect this child was.  You wanted to remember that moment for the rest of your life.  You wanted the world to celebrate with you. And if at all possible, you would love to have had time stand still so that this moment would last forever.   I imagine Mary was feeling just a little down.  She was far away from home, in a barn.  She can't call her mom and talk to her. She can't send her a quick picture on her cell phone.  When Mary heard that knock on the door I can imagine that she was a little confused.  Putting myself in her sandals I would first say to my husband,  "Man I hope that's a pizza!! "  When the shepherds entered I can imagine she was more confused wondering,  "who are these men, and what do they want??"    They introduced themselves and  they told her how God himself opened up the heavens and the angels announced the birth of Jesus.  Then God placed a star in the sky for them so that they would be able to follow it and find Jesus.   God was a proud father.  He wanted the world to know that His son was finally here.  The one that was going to save them all had finally arrived.  When Mary heard this story of how the birth had been announced and how a star had been placed over them...."she treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart."

Every year on my birthday my Mom would tell the same old story..... "when we brought you home from the hospital there was a huge storm and the electric went out.  The thunder was so loud and you slept through the whole thing"  I imagine Mary told Jesus  about the story of his birth every year on his birthday too.

I constantly make mistakes as a mother.  Everyday I find myself apologizing to God because I feel that I have let Him down in some way.  He chose me and  I failed him.  But that is why he chose Mary long ago.  She was the perfect fit to be Jesus' mother so that when I became a mom I would have the grace that I needed for the endless amount of mistakes that I was going to make.

 So, today I am grateful that I was not chosen to be Jesus' mom because if I was, the world would be in trouble. I would have definitely messed that one up.......However, today was the day I could have really used a son that could turn water into wine .......

Deal with it!!

 

 Today I found myself dealing with things that I didn't want to deal with.  Today I had to enter Jacobs name into my "sugar journal" for the third time.  Toady was the day that Jacob had his third blood sugar drop.  Today was the day that I had to accept that he joined the rest of the group.  Denial can be a wonderful place, until you realize that it isn't real.....then you have to deal with it.

     Sometimes the days start with sibling rivalry, but you don't have time  to deal with it because in about 45 min you have to have all the kids packed up in the car if you are going to get  to the doctors on time.  Your daughter is having a melt down over the fact that her socks are "so yesterday" but you don't have time to deal with it because you have company coming and you could care less what her socks look like just as long as they are not on the living room floor when the preacher and is wife come over for dinner.   Your son is putting on drama production # 124 and you don't have time to deal with it because you are trying to figure out how to pay the bills with $100.00 less than what you need. Your baby's diaper is sagging but you can't deal with that right now because you have to search Pintrest to see which is the best way to get that splinter out of your sons foot before infection sets in. Your back is hurting but you can't deal with that right now  because you have to get the yard work done before nap time is over.  Your shoes have a hole in the bottom of them but that isn't important right now because your youngest has no shoes and you have to solve that problem first.  You realize your pants have been apart of your life for the past 9 years and are starting to show some wear,  but you can't worry about that right now because your daughter has once again grown out of hers.  Your husband is calling but you can't deal with that right now because you are in the middle of a life lesson with the kids that is so much more important.  Everyone wants to eat breakfast but you can't deal with that right now because you have one child whose blood sugar has dropped and his needs are more important.   You need to get those supper dishes done but you can't deal with that because your kids didn't eat their supper and you have to find something for them to eat or their blood sugar will never make it through the night. You have another child who has something medically wrong, that no one can seem to figure out, and as a mother you don't really know how, or even if you are helping him.  You should probably spend the day on the phone  on hold with different doctors to see what you need to do next but you cannot worry about that right now because you have company coming this weekend. 

Now,  your mind is full, and  tears are flowing, and you're not quite sure why.  That is until you realize all of the things that you haven't been dealing with.

   Okay so maybe the last few "deal with it's" are only things that happened to me, but as moms we tend to push everything aside.  We juggle so much . And so many things remain in the air, not dealt with until, one day,  they all come crashing down on our heads and then become way to heavy to carry.  Then you have no other option but to "deal with it."  The only thing is, at this point, you're not quite sure what you're dealing with. So the only thing left to is to sit and cry.

    I have a knot in my neck that I have named "deal with it."  It is a ball of stress that seems to show up when I haven't dealt with things.  Today it went out of control, as I sat helplessly and held my youngest, hoping that what I was doing was helping him.  The knot seemed to grow as his blood sugar shot up and then fell again and shot back up then finally, this afternoon, stabilizing.  As he took several naps and sat on my lap for most of the day, the knot grew tighter.  Then my mind went straight to what doctor to call and when,  And how long should I let this go on before I come to terms with the fact that this is for real.  This is my life.  This is the hand I was dealt. Now I must figure out what move to make next. When you have been paying doctor bills for 8 years and have no answers, it kind of makes a person want to fold  and go home.  But we are not talking about a poker game here. We are talking about my children.  So I guess no matter how much money you lose while playing, you have to keep playing.  There is more at stake.
 
    The children's health rests on my shoulders. Their education rests on my shoulders.  The fact that the children grow to be well behaved and respectable adults, rests on my shoulders.  The children's salvation rests on my shoulders.  It is up to me to model a godly marriage.  It is up to me to show my sons the type of wife they are to seek and to show my daughters the type of wife they are to be.  It is up to me to make the budget work as my husband holds up his end as the provider. It's up to me to make sure guest feel welcome in my home at all times  (even when there are toys and dirty laundry everywhere and all I really want to do is crawl in a hole and hide from my mess.)

  John Quincy Adams said, "From all that I had read of history and government of human life and manners, I had drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women were the most infallible barometer to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue of a nation." 

 We are more than just moms, we are raising the future of this great nation........so deal with it!!

Mom's Night Off

                                                                               

  So tonight my husband came home from work and said, "Tonight mommy has the night off.  If you all have something you need, then you come to me. Mommy is now officially off duty!!"  OFF DUTY???!!!! .....wow......what to do.  I could go to the movies by myself.  I could read a book.  I could take a bath.  I could sing a song that wasn't on Frozen.  I could watch something rated PG. I could sit in silence until my ears hurt. While all of that sounded exciting, I thought that I would tag along for the ride.  So, because I was "off duty", we all went out to eat.  I walked in, placed my order, and sat back to watch.  My husband got all of the drinks for everyone. Handed out all of the food and as I handed him the baby, so that I could eat with both hands , I noticed a woman's stare in my general direction.  Not just any stare either.  It was a stare that said, "back in my day that would have never happened.  Moms today are just pathetic!!"  I let it go and thought to myself, "if she had any idea of all that I have sacrificed for my kids she would take that stare and suck it up her straw and swallow it.

    We get settled and Jacob begins to cry, like he usually does,  and it is all I can do to not grab him out of my husbands hands and make it all better.  I have this thing about my kids disturbing other peoples "public"  so I always make sure they are well behaved and aware that this is not only our dinner time, but everyone around us is having dinner as well and we must respect that, and behave accordingly.  So whenever Jacob starts to cry that is when I usually leave and go sit in the car with him so he doesn't ruin every one's dinner.  (I know, I know, right or wrong that is how I roll so leave me alone)   Then Ava starts to dance in the isle and Jaden starts to scream at his reflection in the window.  (keep in mind these are all things I do NOT tolerate while in public. My kids know what I expect  from them when we are out and about.  However, tonight, I was  officially off duty and it's like they knew it.)  So everyone gets settled down to eat and Ava and Jaden have to go to the bathroom.  My husband puts his fork down and takes them all to the bathroom.  He comes back to a cold meal and a crying baby.  I snicker a little and decided that I was done so I went to sit in the car.  Next thing I know I am looking up and here comes my husband with our four blessings (two of which are screaming their heads off) and the woman, that was giving me the "stare"gets out of her car to offer her assistance to my husband by opening the door and helping him to the car with the children.  My husband kindly said, "no, thank you though, but I have it."

 

Can you imagine what I must have looked like in her eyes???  But, let's back up here for a bit, shall we??  She got OUT OF HER CAR to help my husband!!!  I don't know how many times I have been somewhere with four screaming children and people just stared at me.  They just looked at me like I was crazy!!!  No one ever said, "can I do something to help you?? " or   "bless your heart, your a great mom don't get discouraged."  But my husband goes out not once, but twice with the kids and both times someone has rolled a throne up to him, and he took a seat. The first time was when Anna was just 5 months old and he took her with him to go get something to eat and someone PAID FOR HIS MEAL. To add insult to injury, Jacobs fist sound was "dada" today.

 Eleven years ago, I gave up my home, my friends and all that was comfortable to me when I said, "yes I will marry you."  Eight years ago I gave up my waste when I gained 100 lbs ( yes 100 lbs, don't judge) to give birth to a 9lb 7 oz baby girl.  Eight years ago I gave up the first three weeks of my daughters life as I went back into surgery to save mine.  Three years ago I gave up my day's to home school the children.  For the past 9 years I have given up sleep.  I have given up my nap time to make sure everyone has clean underwear.  I give up my Saturday nights to make sure everything is in order for Sunday morning so that we could all get to church on time.  I have a degree in landscape horticulture, and I gave that up to grow children.   Four times I have given up my body as a human being has taken over it. I have given up hope of ever slipping on a pair of size 7 pants again.  I have given up my nights to pray for them and their health while they sleep. I have physical and emotional scars and stretch marks on me that says that I have given my all for my children. And each day that God gives me I would happily give up more for them.  

 Don't get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful father, and takes his role as "provider" very seriously. However, it would be nice if society could see the sacrifice of a mother as well.  I took one night off in 8 years.  ONE NIGHT!!!  And because of the judgmental stares of one person, who has no idea who I am, I was unable to enjoy it.  I am just glad that there is only one Judge who has the right to judge me, and only God knows how much I needed this night off.


 

 

 

Christmas letter 2013

Another year has come and almost gone and God has been busy in our little family. Our adventures this year included the usual trip to Walmart and if I am feeling really brave I will take the kids out to eat (by myself).

    I did take them all skating this year, which proved to be very challenging. Many lessons were learned and the biggest one was, don't take three kids (including one who is overly dramatic) who cannot skate, to a public skating rink on Christian Music night. People are watching how you handle all three of them as you drag them out the door kicking and screaming. I am sure they all gathered in prayer as we left to give praise to God that we were gone then skated around the rink to the Hallelujah Chorus. When we came home from the skating rink we were greeted by my much aggravated husband and a toilet in the front yard. That, however, is another story for another time.

   Other than that ,the Taylor family has pretty much stayed home and focused on the newest little blessing that joined our family on November 3, 2013. Jacob Matthew Taylor, came three weeks early and weighed in at 8 lbs and 7oz and was 20.5 inches long. He resembles his big sister, Anna with his blond hair and blue eyes. He is already quite spoiled and loves to be snuggling someone at all times. With his arrival we realized that everyone now has a date for Home School Prom.

  

Anna is still attending “Taylor Home school” and is in the 2^nd grade this year. She is learning new things and proving to be quite the little reader. She loves to spend her time either reading or doing anything crafty. Math is her worst enemy but she is learning to conquer it a little at a time. She is especially good at handing out orders to her younger siblings. Her father and I are confident that she will graduate this year top of her class.

   Jaden turned the big 5 this year and spent his birthday riding his new bike. He later became very brave and learned to ride it without training wheels. He is the newest student at “Taylor Home school” as he entered kindergarten this year. He is learning to read and doing quite well at putting his letter sounds together. He loves to write his name and math seems to be his best friend as he enjoys doing it each day. He has put on more dramatic performances then I can count with most of them being in public for all to see. When he grows up he wants to work with his daddy or be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. 

  Ava turned 3 this year and loves to love. She has got a spunky, head strong, personality all her own and you can't help but smile when she enters the room. This year she has conquered potty training. This has made mommy very happy. She also loves to help with everything. While mommy was in the hospital having Jacob, she proclaimed, “Mommy when you were gone I was totally helpful.”

  Jim Bob continues to work very hard long hours at the family business. We are so grateful for his willingness to provide for the family in this way. And Emily stays very busy with the children and home and school. She still cringes every time she is asked the question, “so, do you work?”

   As most of you know for the past few years we have been seeking many doctors to resolve some medical issues that the kids have been dealing with. God closed that door for us this year. After seeing many doctors and several test later, at Cincinnati Children Hospital, we were given our answer that we had searched for, for 8 years now. Anna, Jaden and Ava have a secondary carnitine deficiency and it is genetic. This news was delivered to us when we were 3 months pregnant with Jacob. So we are watching him very closely for symptoms and monitoring his blood sugar levels to make sure they are not getting too low. Medication was given to the other three and has helped them greatly. This condition can affect major organs and we were told that with the medication we shouldn't have anything to worry about. However some damage had already been done to Jaden while we fought for someone to help him. Thankfully it was just muscle damage and we are working on building back his strength. We were commended by the doctor on our persistence to find an answer for them. He told us many times it is misdiagnosed as a virus and when they do find what it is, then it is too late. God has really been at work during our eight year journey. We don't know what is causing their body to be deficient in carnitine, and we may never know. For now, God has closed that door and until He opens another one we will praise Him in the hallway. 

We hope and pray this letter finds you all well and in good health. We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a New Year full of blessings.

Jim Bob, Emily,
         &
The Taylor Tots

Dear Jacob......

                                                                                                                         November 1, 2013


My Dearest Jacob,
   I wanted to write you one last letter before we meet you.  Time is getting close now (a mother knows such things.)  I want you to know what a blessing you are to this family already.  I also wanted to you to know how I knew I was suppose to have you.

 After I had your sister Ava, your name was on my heart.  Your name stayed on my heart for 3 more years.  My pregnancy with your sister Ava was a nightmare.  I did NOT want to do that again.  But I also knew that your name remained embedded in my heart  for some reason.   I loved you and I couldn't explain that to anyone.

   I am ashamed to say that praying was something that I had not done with the others, but this time I was scared.  I had already came as close to death as I would ever want to be, after having your sister Anna.  Jaden became an emergency C-section and was an awful recovery.  Ava's delivery and pregnancy was just a nightmare.   Then there is the fact that there is a genetic medical issue that your siblings seem to have that we knew you could have as well. So knowing I needed a stronger Power to make this decision for me, I began to pray, " Lord, I feel like You want to give us one more child.  I feel as if You have already given me his name. But I also know that I am scared.  There are so many risks involved here.  So I lay this at Your feet.  If it is Your will for us to have another child then we will willingly open our arms and accept it with love.  However if my body is not strong enough to endure another pregnancy and surgery, then please allow me to be here for the three that you have so graciously given us." 

 A month later I passed my fourth pregnancy test.  You were on your way!!  And for several days after that I stayed nervous.  Knowing, the struggles we may face I began to have fears. When these fears would come, God would bring a promise to me.  Philippians 1:6, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion...."

  So I began to praise!!  God answered my prayers in a big way and I had to trust, at this point, that everything was going to be okay.  I had to believe that He was going to see us through this.

  Two months pregnant I told your daddy that your name would be Jacob.  He didn't know how I knew you were going to be a boy, but I did.  I told him that I didn't have a middle name though.  A few weeks later I had a dream. I was holding you.  You were just born and the doctor said, "what is his name,"  I said, "his name is Jacob Matthew."  I woke up and thought, "Matthew....I like it!!" The next day I ran it past your dad and he agreed to Matthew for your middle name (that is if you were a boy.)  I later looked up the meaning of Matthew and it means "Gift from God."  I have no doubt in my mind that God chose that name for you too.

  See, in the Bible it says, in Psalm 139:16, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  I know this is true.  Your name was engraved in my heart before you even began.  God chose me as your mommy before one of your days came to be.  God already knew He needed you to be apart of this world.

 Your story is one that I will always hold close to my heart. From the prayers that were answered, and your name that was placed within me. To all of the verses that have been brought to my attention throughout all of this.  I wanted you to know it too.  I wanted you to know how special you are to us.  You and your three siblings are blessings from God that we could never repay Him for.    I also wanted you to know how much God loves you that He would choose a family for you before you were even thought of and how honored I am to be that family.

  My prayer for you is like the other three.  I  pray for wisdom to raise you and to lead you toward your purpose that God has already designed you for.  I pray that I do not stand in the way of that purpose.  I pray that when God knocks on your heart that you hear Him and obediently open the door and allow Him to come in.  I pray that God works through me and you dad so that the next generation, and the generations to come, can be better than us.

We cannot wait to hold you and meet our fourth blessing from God.

With much Love,
       ~mom~

    "~Wherever you are, whenever it's right  You'll come out of nowhere and into my life..............And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get I just haven't met you yet~"

You Are Special

   I don't know about you but I carry the weight of the opinions of others on my shoulders.  I compare myself to others to the point that I  have either made them look like dirt or have made myself feel worthless. 

  I read a book to the kids that struck something in me as well.  The book is called "You are Special" it is written by Max Lucado.

As the school year starts and words start flying and we work so hard just to be accepted by everyone around us, this is a wonderful book for us all to read. 

  It's about a little wooden puppet named Punchinello. He lives in a little town full of wooden puppets.  All the puppets are different.  They wear different clothes they are different sizes and shapes.  Some puppets are smooth and some are rough.  Some puppets have many talents and others not so much.   The only thing they all have in common is that they were all made by the same wood carver, Eli.  Eli lives on the hill on the edge of town.

All of the puppets carry around a box of dots and stars.  The puppets who were smooth and talented always got stars.  But when the puppets were caught making a mistake and doing something silly or foolish they received a black dot.

Punchinello was full of black dots.  He never did anything right.  He tried really hard to get a star.  He failed every time.  It got to the point where Punchinello just stayed home, so scared he was going to do something even more foolish, like fall in a puddle, and receive another black dot.

One day Punchinello met a girl named Lucia.  Lucia didn't have any stars or dots.  It was the strangest thing he had ever seen.  When others saw how she had no black dots they tried to put a star on her, but it fell off.  Others criticized her for not having any stars and tried to give her black dots, and those fell off of her too.  Punchinello asked how she did it.  She said, "it's easy!  Everyday I go up the hill and spend time with Eli"  Punchinello didn't understand so Lucia encouraged him to go spend some time with Eli and find out.

When Punchinello finally gets the courage to go meet his maker, he was shocked at the love that his maker had for him.  Eli didn't care about his dots or mistakes.  Eli didn't even care that he hadn't earned any starts.  Punchinello asked Eli how to get rid of the dots.  Eli said, "The stickers will only stick if you let them"


Wow.....How many stickers I have allowed to stick to me.  How many times I see my dots and spend most of my time remembering the time they were given to me and what I did or didn't do to earn them and how to get them off  or cover them up before others see them.  How many times I longed for just one star to wear proudly for all to see.  The sad part is that sometimes I tend to give others a black dot just so I can fell like I am wearing a star.  Other times I look at the stars  that others are wearing and give myself a black dot.  How I long to be Lucia,  to not care what others think about me to the point that their opinions don't stick.  To skip up the hill freely to meet my Maker only caring what He thinks of me and knowing that no matter what others think..... believing that He thinks I'm special........and to have that be the only thing that matters to me

"Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load"
                                                                                               Galatians 6:4,5

" Do not conform any longer to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will"         
                                                                                           Romans 12: 2

Don't let the opinions of others stick to you.  Don't compare yourself to anyone.  If you continue to focus on being  apart of this world, you will miss the blessings that God has laid out before you.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opBUb3WcimE  You can view this book here.  It is a wonderful thing to sit and watch with the kids!!!