Today I found myself dealing with things that I didn't want to deal with. Today I had to enter Jacobs name into my "sugar journal" for the third time. Toady was the day that Jacob had his third blood sugar drop. Today was the day that I had to accept that he joined the rest of the group. Denial can be a wonderful place, until you realize that it isn't real.....then you have to deal with it.
Sometimes the days start with sibling rivalry, but you don't have time to deal with it because in about 45 min you have to have all the kids packed up in the car if you are going to get to the doctors on time. Your daughter is having a melt down over the fact that her socks are "so yesterday" but you don't have time to deal with it because you have company coming and you could care less what her socks look like just as long as they are not on the living room floor when the preacher and is wife come over for dinner. Your son is putting on drama production # 124 and you don't have time to deal with it because you are trying to figure out how to pay the bills with $100.00 less than what you need. Your baby's diaper is sagging but you can't deal with that right now because you have to search Pintrest to see which is the best way to get that splinter out of your sons foot before infection sets in. Your back is hurting but you can't deal with that right now because you have to get the yard work done before nap time is over. Your shoes have a hole in the bottom of them but that isn't important right now because your youngest has no shoes and you have to solve that problem first. You realize your pants have been apart of your life for the past 9 years and are starting to show some wear, but you can't worry about that right now because your daughter has once again grown out of hers. Your husband is calling but you can't deal with that right now because you are in the middle of a life lesson with the kids that is so much more important. Everyone wants to eat breakfast but you can't deal with that right now because you have one child whose blood sugar has dropped and his needs are more important. You need to get those supper dishes done but you can't deal with that because your kids didn't eat their supper and you have to find something for them to eat or their blood sugar will never make it through the night. You have another child who has something medically wrong, that no one can seem to figure out, and as a mother you don't really know how, or even if you are helping him. You should probably spend the day on the phone on hold with different doctors to see what you need to do next but you cannot worry about that right now because you have company coming this weekend.
Now, your mind is full, and tears are flowing, and you're not quite sure why. That is until you realize all of the things that you haven't been dealing with.
Okay so maybe the last few "deal with it's" are only things that happened to me, but as moms we tend to push everything aside. We juggle so much . And so many things remain in the air, not dealt with until, one day, they all come crashing down on our heads and then become way to heavy to carry. Then you have no other option but to "deal with it." The only thing is, at this point, you're not quite sure what you're dealing with. So the only thing left to is to sit and cry.
I have a knot in my neck that I have named "deal with it." It is a ball of stress that seems to show up when I haven't dealt with things. Today it went out of control, as I sat helplessly and held my youngest, hoping that what I was doing was helping him. The knot seemed to grow as his blood sugar shot up and then fell again and shot back up then finally, this afternoon, stabilizing. As he took several naps and sat on my lap for most of the day, the knot grew tighter. Then my mind went straight to what doctor to call and when, And how long should I let this go on before I come to terms with the fact that this is for real. This is my life. This is the hand I was dealt. Now I must figure out what move to make next. When you have been paying doctor bills for 8 years and have no answers, it kind of makes a person want to fold and go home. But we are not talking about a poker game here. We are talking about my children. So I guess no matter how much money you lose while playing, you have to keep playing. There is more at stake.
The children's health rests on my shoulders. Their education rests on my shoulders. The fact that the children grow to be well behaved and respectable adults, rests on my shoulders. The children's salvation rests on my shoulders. It is up to me to model a godly marriage. It is up to me to show my sons the type of wife they are to seek and to show my daughters the type of wife they are to be. It is up to me to make the budget work as my husband holds up his end as the provider. It's up to me to make sure guest feel welcome in my home at all times (even when there are toys and dirty laundry everywhere and all I really want to do is crawl in a hole and hide from my mess.)
John Quincy Adams said, "From all that I had read of history and government of human life and manners, I had drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women were the most infallible barometer to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue of a nation."
We are more than just moms, we are raising the future of this great nation........so deal with it!!
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