Dear Jacob......

                                                                                                                         November 1, 2013


My Dearest Jacob,
   I wanted to write you one last letter before we meet you.  Time is getting close now (a mother knows such things.)  I want you to know what a blessing you are to this family already.  I also wanted to you to know how I knew I was suppose to have you.

 After I had your sister Ava, your name was on my heart.  Your name stayed on my heart for 3 more years.  My pregnancy with your sister Ava was a nightmare.  I did NOT want to do that again.  But I also knew that your name remained embedded in my heart  for some reason.   I loved you and I couldn't explain that to anyone.

   I am ashamed to say that praying was something that I had not done with the others, but this time I was scared.  I had already came as close to death as I would ever want to be, after having your sister Anna.  Jaden became an emergency C-section and was an awful recovery.  Ava's delivery and pregnancy was just a nightmare.   Then there is the fact that there is a genetic medical issue that your siblings seem to have that we knew you could have as well. So knowing I needed a stronger Power to make this decision for me, I began to pray, " Lord, I feel like You want to give us one more child.  I feel as if You have already given me his name. But I also know that I am scared.  There are so many risks involved here.  So I lay this at Your feet.  If it is Your will for us to have another child then we will willingly open our arms and accept it with love.  However if my body is not strong enough to endure another pregnancy and surgery, then please allow me to be here for the three that you have so graciously given us." 

 A month later I passed my fourth pregnancy test.  You were on your way!!  And for several days after that I stayed nervous.  Knowing, the struggles we may face I began to have fears. When these fears would come, God would bring a promise to me.  Philippians 1:6, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion...."

  So I began to praise!!  God answered my prayers in a big way and I had to trust, at this point, that everything was going to be okay.  I had to believe that He was going to see us through this.

  Two months pregnant I told your daddy that your name would be Jacob.  He didn't know how I knew you were going to be a boy, but I did.  I told him that I didn't have a middle name though.  A few weeks later I had a dream. I was holding you.  You were just born and the doctor said, "what is his name,"  I said, "his name is Jacob Matthew."  I woke up and thought, "Matthew....I like it!!" The next day I ran it past your dad and he agreed to Matthew for your middle name (that is if you were a boy.)  I later looked up the meaning of Matthew and it means "Gift from God."  I have no doubt in my mind that God chose that name for you too.

  See, in the Bible it says, in Psalm 139:16, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  I know this is true.  Your name was engraved in my heart before you even began.  God chose me as your mommy before one of your days came to be.  God already knew He needed you to be apart of this world.

 Your story is one that I will always hold close to my heart. From the prayers that were answered, and your name that was placed within me. To all of the verses that have been brought to my attention throughout all of this.  I wanted you to know it too.  I wanted you to know how special you are to us.  You and your three siblings are blessings from God that we could never repay Him for.    I also wanted you to know how much God loves you that He would choose a family for you before you were even thought of and how honored I am to be that family.

  My prayer for you is like the other three.  I  pray for wisdom to raise you and to lead you toward your purpose that God has already designed you for.  I pray that I do not stand in the way of that purpose.  I pray that when God knocks on your heart that you hear Him and obediently open the door and allow Him to come in.  I pray that God works through me and you dad so that the next generation, and the generations to come, can be better than us.

We cannot wait to hold you and meet our fourth blessing from God.

With much Love,
       ~mom~

    "~Wherever you are, whenever it's right  You'll come out of nowhere and into my life..............And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get I just haven't met you yet~"