Mary, you're the best mom ever.......

    Last year at this time I had a one month old baby.  As I sat in church listening to the Christmas story looking at my baby boy, I couldn't help but to think about Mary.  Mary, the mother of Jesus himself........

     Now the rest of us moms have our new babies and look at them,  and then for a small moment we panic a little with the thought of, "for the next 18 years I had better get this right!"  Just think of how Mary must have felt.  She was holding God's Son for crying out loud.  She not only had to get this right, she had to get this perfect!!  No pressure Mary, but from this day forward, you will not raise your voice to Jesus.  You will not belittle him in any way, shape, or form.  You will not be talking to your neighbor while "shushing" Jesus.  You will not say to him, "you better listen to me when I am talking to you!!"  When Jesus talks, YOU listen!  When you go to town on your camel, you will not wave your hand violently behind you in hopes to at least hit his foot so that Jesus will stop distracting you from rush hour traffic. And whatever you do Mary, you will not put Jesus in timeout.....well...because nobody puts Jesus in a corner!

    You and I get a private room to have our babies in.  We have the television in the rooms to keep our husbands occupied for the "boring part" of labor.  If your husband was like mine then he slept while the nurses took excellent care of you.  Not Mary though, she is in a barn surrounded by animals and her husband, who if there was a biblical "Maury"  back then would be declared, "not the father!" But he would still be the one chosen to be by her side to help bring this amazing baby into the world.  Every husbands worst nightmare right??  I don't know about you but the first thing my husband said was, "I just hope that I don't have to deliver this baby on the side of the road!!  Just CROSS YOUR LEGS OKAY!!"

 Remember that moment when your baby was born and you realized that God chose you.  You were perfect for them and they were perfect for you.  Then the first thing you did was take a family "selfie" and put it on Facebook to let everyone know that your baby had finally come!   You wanted the world to see just how perfect this child was.  You wanted to remember that moment for the rest of your life.  You wanted the world to celebrate with you. And if at all possible, you would love to have had time stand still so that this moment would last forever.   I imagine Mary was feeling just a little down.  She was far away from home, in a barn.  She can't call her mom and talk to her. She can't send her a quick picture on her cell phone.  When Mary heard that knock on the door I can imagine that she was a little confused.  Putting myself in her sandals I would first say to my husband,  "Man I hope that's a pizza!! "  When the shepherds entered I can imagine she was more confused wondering,  "who are these men, and what do they want??"    They introduced themselves and  they told her how God himself opened up the heavens and the angels announced the birth of Jesus.  Then God placed a star in the sky for them so that they would be able to follow it and find Jesus.   God was a proud father.  He wanted the world to know that His son was finally here.  The one that was going to save them all had finally arrived.  When Mary heard this story of how the birth had been announced and how a star had been placed over them...."she treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart."

Every year on my birthday my Mom would tell the same old story..... "when we brought you home from the hospital there was a huge storm and the electric went out.  The thunder was so loud and you slept through the whole thing"  I imagine Mary told Jesus  about the story of his birth every year on his birthday too.

I constantly make mistakes as a mother.  Everyday I find myself apologizing to God because I feel that I have let Him down in some way.  He chose me and  I failed him.  But that is why he chose Mary long ago.  She was the perfect fit to be Jesus' mother so that when I became a mom I would have the grace that I needed for the endless amount of mistakes that I was going to make.

 So, today I am grateful that I was not chosen to be Jesus' mom because if I was, the world would be in trouble. I would have definitely messed that one up.......However, today was the day I could have really used a son that could turn water into wine .......

Deal with it!!

 

 Today I found myself dealing with things that I didn't want to deal with.  Today I had to enter Jacobs name into my "sugar journal" for the third time.  Toady was the day that Jacob had his third blood sugar drop.  Today was the day that I had to accept that he joined the rest of the group.  Denial can be a wonderful place, until you realize that it isn't real.....then you have to deal with it.

     Sometimes the days start with sibling rivalry, but you don't have time  to deal with it because in about 45 min you have to have all the kids packed up in the car if you are going to get  to the doctors on time.  Your daughter is having a melt down over the fact that her socks are "so yesterday" but you don't have time to deal with it because you have company coming and you could care less what her socks look like just as long as they are not on the living room floor when the preacher and is wife come over for dinner.   Your son is putting on drama production # 124 and you don't have time to deal with it because you are trying to figure out how to pay the bills with $100.00 less than what you need. Your baby's diaper is sagging but you can't deal with that right now because you have to search Pintrest to see which is the best way to get that splinter out of your sons foot before infection sets in. Your back is hurting but you can't deal with that right now  because you have to get the yard work done before nap time is over.  Your shoes have a hole in the bottom of them but that isn't important right now because your youngest has no shoes and you have to solve that problem first.  You realize your pants have been apart of your life for the past 9 years and are starting to show some wear,  but you can't worry about that right now because your daughter has once again grown out of hers.  Your husband is calling but you can't deal with that right now because you are in the middle of a life lesson with the kids that is so much more important.  Everyone wants to eat breakfast but you can't deal with that right now because you have one child whose blood sugar has dropped and his needs are more important.   You need to get those supper dishes done but you can't deal with that because your kids didn't eat their supper and you have to find something for them to eat or their blood sugar will never make it through the night. You have another child who has something medically wrong, that no one can seem to figure out, and as a mother you don't really know how, or even if you are helping him.  You should probably spend the day on the phone  on hold with different doctors to see what you need to do next but you cannot worry about that right now because you have company coming this weekend. 

Now,  your mind is full, and  tears are flowing, and you're not quite sure why.  That is until you realize all of the things that you haven't been dealing with.

   Okay so maybe the last few "deal with it's" are only things that happened to me, but as moms we tend to push everything aside.  We juggle so much . And so many things remain in the air, not dealt with until, one day,  they all come crashing down on our heads and then become way to heavy to carry.  Then you have no other option but to "deal with it."  The only thing is, at this point, you're not quite sure what you're dealing with. So the only thing left to is to sit and cry.

    I have a knot in my neck that I have named "deal with it."  It is a ball of stress that seems to show up when I haven't dealt with things.  Today it went out of control, as I sat helplessly and held my youngest, hoping that what I was doing was helping him.  The knot seemed to grow as his blood sugar shot up and then fell again and shot back up then finally, this afternoon, stabilizing.  As he took several naps and sat on my lap for most of the day, the knot grew tighter.  Then my mind went straight to what doctor to call and when,  And how long should I let this go on before I come to terms with the fact that this is for real.  This is my life.  This is the hand I was dealt. Now I must figure out what move to make next. When you have been paying doctor bills for 8 years and have no answers, it kind of makes a person want to fold  and go home.  But we are not talking about a poker game here. We are talking about my children.  So I guess no matter how much money you lose while playing, you have to keep playing.  There is more at stake.
 
    The children's health rests on my shoulders. Their education rests on my shoulders.  The fact that the children grow to be well behaved and respectable adults, rests on my shoulders.  The children's salvation rests on my shoulders.  It is up to me to model a godly marriage.  It is up to me to show my sons the type of wife they are to seek and to show my daughters the type of wife they are to be.  It is up to me to make the budget work as my husband holds up his end as the provider. It's up to me to make sure guest feel welcome in my home at all times  (even when there are toys and dirty laundry everywhere and all I really want to do is crawl in a hole and hide from my mess.)

  John Quincy Adams said, "From all that I had read of history and government of human life and manners, I had drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women were the most infallible barometer to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue of a nation." 

 We are more than just moms, we are raising the future of this great nation........so deal with it!!

Mom's Night Off

                                                                               

  So tonight my husband came home from work and said, "Tonight mommy has the night off.  If you all have something you need, then you come to me. Mommy is now officially off duty!!"  OFF DUTY???!!!! .....wow......what to do.  I could go to the movies by myself.  I could read a book.  I could take a bath.  I could sing a song that wasn't on Frozen.  I could watch something rated PG. I could sit in silence until my ears hurt. While all of that sounded exciting, I thought that I would tag along for the ride.  So, because I was "off duty", we all went out to eat.  I walked in, placed my order, and sat back to watch.  My husband got all of the drinks for everyone. Handed out all of the food and as I handed him the baby, so that I could eat with both hands , I noticed a woman's stare in my general direction.  Not just any stare either.  It was a stare that said, "back in my day that would have never happened.  Moms today are just pathetic!!"  I let it go and thought to myself, "if she had any idea of all that I have sacrificed for my kids she would take that stare and suck it up her straw and swallow it.

    We get settled and Jacob begins to cry, like he usually does,  and it is all I can do to not grab him out of my husbands hands and make it all better.  I have this thing about my kids disturbing other peoples "public"  so I always make sure they are well behaved and aware that this is not only our dinner time, but everyone around us is having dinner as well and we must respect that, and behave accordingly.  So whenever Jacob starts to cry that is when I usually leave and go sit in the car with him so he doesn't ruin every one's dinner.  (I know, I know, right or wrong that is how I roll so leave me alone)   Then Ava starts to dance in the isle and Jaden starts to scream at his reflection in the window.  (keep in mind these are all things I do NOT tolerate while in public. My kids know what I expect  from them when we are out and about.  However, tonight, I was  officially off duty and it's like they knew it.)  So everyone gets settled down to eat and Ava and Jaden have to go to the bathroom.  My husband puts his fork down and takes them all to the bathroom.  He comes back to a cold meal and a crying baby.  I snicker a little and decided that I was done so I went to sit in the car.  Next thing I know I am looking up and here comes my husband with our four blessings (two of which are screaming their heads off) and the woman, that was giving me the "stare"gets out of her car to offer her assistance to my husband by opening the door and helping him to the car with the children.  My husband kindly said, "no, thank you though, but I have it."

 

Can you imagine what I must have looked like in her eyes???  But, let's back up here for a bit, shall we??  She got OUT OF HER CAR to help my husband!!!  I don't know how many times I have been somewhere with four screaming children and people just stared at me.  They just looked at me like I was crazy!!!  No one ever said, "can I do something to help you?? " or   "bless your heart, your a great mom don't get discouraged."  But my husband goes out not once, but twice with the kids and both times someone has rolled a throne up to him, and he took a seat. The first time was when Anna was just 5 months old and he took her with him to go get something to eat and someone PAID FOR HIS MEAL. To add insult to injury, Jacobs fist sound was "dada" today.

 Eleven years ago, I gave up my home, my friends and all that was comfortable to me when I said, "yes I will marry you."  Eight years ago I gave up my waste when I gained 100 lbs ( yes 100 lbs, don't judge) to give birth to a 9lb 7 oz baby girl.  Eight years ago I gave up the first three weeks of my daughters life as I went back into surgery to save mine.  Three years ago I gave up my day's to home school the children.  For the past 9 years I have given up sleep.  I have given up my nap time to make sure everyone has clean underwear.  I give up my Saturday nights to make sure everything is in order for Sunday morning so that we could all get to church on time.  I have a degree in landscape horticulture, and I gave that up to grow children.   Four times I have given up my body as a human being has taken over it. I have given up hope of ever slipping on a pair of size 7 pants again.  I have given up my nights to pray for them and their health while they sleep. I have physical and emotional scars and stretch marks on me that says that I have given my all for my children. And each day that God gives me I would happily give up more for them.  

 Don't get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful father, and takes his role as "provider" very seriously. However, it would be nice if society could see the sacrifice of a mother as well.  I took one night off in 8 years.  ONE NIGHT!!!  And because of the judgmental stares of one person, who has no idea who I am, I was unable to enjoy it.  I am just glad that there is only one Judge who has the right to judge me, and only God knows how much I needed this night off.